Saturday, March 7, 2009

Environmentally friendly wedding confetti

Most churches won't let you throw confetti or rice anymore.

So here are some alternative "confettis":
  1. Ecofetti -- We've never tried it, but do a search and you'll find a bunch of suppliers.
  2. Bubbles -- Fun, but don't overdo it or everyone's dress clothes will be a mess.
  3. Petals or buds -- if you have a patient gardener in the family!
(via Organic Gardening magazine, June/July 2008)

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Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Wedding Night Sex

Give yourself a break on your wedding night.

Dr. Mary Ann Bartusis surveyed couples on their honeymoons. 90% of them rated their wedding night sex from 7 to 10 (on a scale of 10). Ideally, of course, 100% would have reported 10s. But let's face it, there are often such unrealistic expectations that there is no way you could meet them!

And you are likely to be tired. Most weddings are at least a little stressful -- they are big events, invested with all sorts of pressures. You are juggling friends, relatives and staff, who are all thrown together and out of their element. And if you have been planning the wedding for ages, it can be a bit of an anti-climax when its over. (Oops, bad pun.)

And then add a bunch of pressure to perform on top of it all!

Remember: your sex life is going to get better and better over time. It doesn't peak the first night of marriage!

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

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Thursday, April 24, 2008

Wedding Planning Checklist

We've just put the finishing touches on the CQ checklist for anyone planning a wedding.

It's a "to do" list, starting at the beginning and counting down to your Big Day. The list hits all the important things to do before getting married, along with relationship tips to keep the bride and groom sane and still in love!

Even though we are all about the marriage, rather than the wedding (that is the relationship rather than the ceremony)... well, we just can't help ourselves.

But we hope it helps you!

It will guide you through the steps of finding a reception hall, sending wedding invitations, finding a wedding dress, deciding on menu, choosing readings... Don't forget your marriage license! Phew, there's a lot to it! Are you sure you don't just want to elope?

Another route is to hire a good wedding planner to do a lot of this stuff for you. If he or she knows their way around they can save you a bundle. We've got an article on wedding savings in our premarital library, by the way, in which Darsi makes just that point. But even if you do go that route, you'll still find our checklist keeps you thinking about the relationship.

But back to the wedding planning checklist
It is available as a bonus for subscribers when you sign up for our marriage preparation program.


Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

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Monday, March 10, 2008

Am I too young to get married?

How old are you? How old is your partner? Are you or your partner under the age of 25?

There is no magic age to get married. Younger couples and older couples alike can have very happy and successful marriages. However it must be stated that, on average, couples that get married under the age of 25 are significantly more likely to get divorced than their older counterparts. Statistics show the younger you are when you marry, the more likely you are to split up. After 25, the effect levels off.

It is not difficult to imagine why those who marry young have a harder time staying together. Those under 25 will likely have varying degrees of immaturity and lack some of the emotional development and communicative skills required in a successful serious relationship.

Also, many younger married couples are tying the knot for the wrong reasons. Perhaps an unplanned pregnancy, perhaps a desire to leave the family home and a chance to be “grown up”, or perhaps it just seem like the right thing to do because you really love the other person. It also might be the case, especially for many younger women, that they are caught up in the fairytale ideal of being a bride and a wife.

If you are under 25, we consider that to be a bit of a red flag for possible trouble down the line. We recommend three possible actions to give yourselves a greater chance at success in marriage:
  1. Wait a few years before getting married, if possible. If you are in love enough to get married, a year or two more shouldn’t matter.

  2. Hold off on having children for the first few years. That will give you invaluable time to enjoy yourselves as a couple, before the demands of parenting. Actually, this is good advice for most couples. But the younger you are, the more freedom you have before the biological clock starts ticking.

  3. Do some kind of marriage preparation through your church or temple or synagogue, with a counselor, or through our online marriage preparation program.

At the very least, ask yourself this (and be honest): What is the rush? Am I really getting married for the right reasons? You deserve the best relationship and the best life possible.

Make your decisions wisely.

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Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Choosing Music for Your Wedding Video

If you are getting married and planning to record the big event on video or dvd, the following may be of great interest to you. It's reprinted from Associated Content and apparently they know what they are doing.

We had someone taking video at our wedding (it was a rather casual affair to be sure, so this was not a professional someone...) and we have never seen it, let alone had the chance to think about the ins and outs of its post production audio. Sometimes I wish I had lined a professional up to do the job. Those of you who are more organized and are planning your wedding memories and keepsakes, read on.

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Capturing the magic of your wedding on video requires the skill of a professional videographer. These professionals know how to showcase your special moments and present them in the most romantic manner possible. From the initial filming to the final editing, your videographer will create a video or DVD that you will treasure for years to come.

Part of the process that makes a wedding video special is the post-production phase where editors clean up the footage and add creative touches. Your wedding video will likely have several sections, commonly called "montages", that require music. The opening scene may incorporate photos of the bride and groom along with the wedding invitation, titles, and exterior shots of the wedding location. A transitional montage may occur between the ceremony and the reception with footage of the reception location, the cake, guests arriving, decorations, receiving line, candid shots of the bridal party, and so on. And at the end, a final montage will recap the day's events.

Each of these montages cries out for the perfect music choice. A perfect music selection for one bride may be a horrendous choice for another. Your involvement at this phase is key in selecting the music for your wedding video.

The best time to select the music is before the wedding because you'll be busy with your honeymoon when the editor is working on your project. Meet with your videographer and see what options they offer. Are you "a little bit country" or "a little bit rock and roll"? Do you want to use traditional music or something more eclectic? Would you like them to record your hired musicians and use the actual music from the day for the soundtrack? These questions will help you focus on the type of music and narrow down your choices.

Another consideration is if you have an overall theme you want to convey. For example, Nat King Cole's song, Unforgettable, is a popular wedding song with a variety of versions. Consider using the original version for the opening scene, an instrumental version for the transitional montage, and end with the charming duet with Natalie Cole.
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Sounds lovely to me. Have a great time planning that wedding and don't forget to spend some time planning your MARRIAGE. Start today at CouplesQuestions.com.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

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Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Expectations

If you are getting married this year (or committing to a serious, long term relationship) you really need to think about your expectations for this new stage of your relationship. And you need to ask your partner to do the same.

What one person anticipates will happen after the wedding, may not necessarily be what the other person expects. Because of that, it is best to have the necessary discussions and make sure you are on the same page as your partner when you join your lives. As a start, try sitting down with your mate and discussing these questions:

  • How do you think you your lives will change after you get married? Make a list and consider the positives and the negatives.
  • Do you expect your marriage to be easy or challenging?
  • What are your expectations for your domestic life? Who will do the cooking? The cleaning?
  • What do you expect your social life will be like after you get married?

Want more questions? Try out CouplesQuestions On-line Marriage Preparation Program. It provides questions in 18 Key topic areas that absolutely should be discussed before committing your life to another person. It’s risk free with a 60 money back guarantee, so why not give it a go? If you are planning a wedding, don’t you think you should spend a bit of time planning your marriage?

Expect to have a fabulous life together and take action to make it happen.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

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Monday, February 26, 2007

The Wedding does not lay the groundwork for a lifelong relationship

Tying the knot this year? You might consider reading “One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding” (Penguin Press) by Rebecca Mead when it comes out in May before you go too crazy-loco with the wedding plans. It is a work that takes a close look at some of “the absurdities inherent in our own behavior” as we plan, orchestrate and execute the North American Wedding.

Be warned though, read this book and you will want to elope, or so says columnist Holly Brubach of the New York Times in her article published yesterday.

Among other interesting points and (rather unflattering) observations, Brubach writes:

“Unmoored from tradition and religion, the wedding has become a vehicle for the couple’s solipsistic fascination with their own image, their urge to mythologize the story of their love.”

And she wonders:

“What prompts couples — women, in particular, since they’re the ones on whom the burden of reply cards and chair covers and seating charts ordinarily falls — to sign up for what several brides characterize as a steady diet of stress? Mead ascribes this willingness, even eagerness, to play along with the most arcane aspects of staging a celebration to couples (again, one imagines, brides in particular) hedging their bets, hoping that a lavish wedding will provide the solid start of a lasting marriage.”

It used to be believed that the longer the brides dress, the greater the chance the couple had at success in their life together. At least that’s what the Bridal magazines in the 50s and 60s told us. Though ridiculous (faulty logic can easily be found by citing numerous examples), it seems much simpler and sweeter somehow than some of the chaos that goes on nowadays. In Mead’s book, the images are even less flattering.

Did you know that for the average (average, mind you!) North American wedding requires 43 vendors? 43! Did you know that the cost of such a wedding is now, on average, well over $27,000? And when did it become all about the bride? When did we become such egomaniacs? Why is it that people are willing to go in to huge debt for their weddings?

Check out Brubach’s article if you haven’t already. And I will definitely be reading Rebecca Mead’s book. I am hoping it will remind people that it is not the wedding that makes the couple, it’s the MARRIAGE that makes the couple!

And the couple that makes the marriage!
Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

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Monday, February 19, 2007

CouplesQuestions library of articles

It’s expanding again… soon we are going to have to put a better navigation system in.

The new articles include a book excerpt from Deepak Chopra, reprinted with permission.

There’s also a piece on family of origin issues, those things that you do that you do because you were raised that way.

We are interested in short articles on subjects related to coupledom. If you’ve got an idea or a draft, please get in touch. We can’t guarantee we’ll use your submission, but you won’t know until you try!

Basically, we are looking for reasonably well written submissions of at least 250 words and probably under a thousand. They don’t need to be written by experts — we are just as interested in people’s personal experiences.

A fuller explanation on article submission is on the library page of CouplesQuestions.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

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Wednesday, January 10, 2007

When should you do your premarital counselling?

Or premarriage course or marriage preparation?

A good rule of thumb is to start six months before the big day. Earlier is even better, of course, but you can also get benefits from a marriage course even shortly after you get married.

The beauty of the six month rule is that you have time to sort things out, without the pressure of the impending wedding. Weddings tend to grow, they tend to become all-consuming, and they can easily push the marriage education right into the background.

Doing your premarriage education early also means that you can cancel the wedding in the unlikely event that you find you have irreconcileable differences. Perhaps in an ideal world, all of us would do some form of marriage preparation and we would actively look for reasons not to get married to each other. Now, you don’t need us to tell you that that doesn’t sound fun. And you don’t really need to worry much about that happening.

It’s safe to say that most courses, counselors and programs don’t actively search out reasons that you shouldn’t marry. Like you, they are generally hopeful, believe that you can learn to improve your marriage, and want you to succeed. They aren’t looking for deal breakers. The good ones, though, do help you find where you might have problems.

Then, you can either sort them out right away or you can be aware of them so that they can be handled when the time comes.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Articles to help

It looks like we've been focused on the holidays, neglecting to post. Truth is we've been over at our new version of this blog.

There are several new posts there. Probably more interesting is our new library of marriage articles at CouplesQuestions.com.

Currently, you'll find:
We've got three others pending, including one on what one couple learned in premarital counseling.

And we are always open to your suggestions. Heck, write for us if you are a decent writer and know something related to marriage!

Happy Couples, Happy Planet and Happy Holidays!

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Friday, December 15, 2006

How to save money on your wedding

No doubt about it, weddings are big business.

The average wedding in the US is over $22,000. In Canada, it is over $18,000, in the UK over 17,000 pounds and in Australia over $28,000! Our own wedding cost us about $6,000 or $7,000. As relatively cheap as that is, we were amazed at how fast the price tag grew beyond our original budget.

The good news is that there are plenty of ways to save money on your Big Day.

So we approached a couple of ‘frugality and wedding experts’ for some tips.

The result is the third article in our budding library of marriage articles on CouplesQuestions (the site, that is, rather than the blog).

Saving Money on Your Wedding was written by Darsi at Frugal Bride. The site is one of Canada’s best-known wedding websites, so we are pleased to have their expert contribution.

The figures for cost-of-wedding come from another great site, the Bargain Queen blog from downunder.

We get a fair amount of interest in how to save on wedding costs, so more on this topic soon. We promise!

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

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Friday, December 8, 2006

Top Wedding Toast Tips

A few posts ago, we raved about Tom Haibeck’s “The Wedding MC”. Afterwards we got to thinking about what else he might be able to share some advice on.

So we sent him a note and the result is the second article in our budding library: Tom’s Top Ten Toasting Tips.

Both of us have done our share of public speaking in our time and we can tell you, these are good. (We still think it is worthwhile buying his bundle of books though! And, no, we still don’t get paid for promoting them.)

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

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Friday, November 24, 2006

Best Wedding Book ever

"The Wedding MC" is all about how to run a great wedding reception. It would make an excellent gift for any best man who is going to be the Master of Ceremonies at the reception. And, of course, it would be the perfect primer for whoever is going to be your MC, if it isn't the best man.

NO, we don't get paid to recommend this book. We stumbled across it at a wedding show and loved it, is all. It is a gem of a book. (Come to think of it, we should accost author Tom Haibeck and get him to bundle the e-book as part of our CouplesQuestions premarital workbook package.)

Haibeck points out that fully half the cost of the average wedding is for the reception. Being a major event with an average of 186 attendees, it needs planning. But he doesn't lecture you. After his first three pages, he doesn't need to. If you don't find them screamingly funny, you've never been to a wedding. And they are funny because they are so true.

He goes on to give you all the tools, advice and encouragement you need to knock the socks off of all 186 guests and the bride and groom. If you are going to be an MC, or make a speech or make a toast at a wedding get this book!

Among our favourite tips:
  • Look for friendly eyeballs when giving a speech.
Don't know what that means? Go get the book. You won't regret it!

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

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Thursday, August 3, 2006

Wedding Readings from Winnie the Pooh?

Why not? Whether you are having a civil or a religious ceremony, choose readings that work for you as a couple.

The following reading from "Now We Are Six" (not "The House at Pooh Corner", as we'd originally written in this blog) was read at our wedding by our dear friend Rosalind and it suited us rather well.

Us Two

Wherever I am, there's always Pooh,
There's always Pooh and Me.
Whatever I do, he wants to do,
"Where are you going to-day?" says Pooh:
"Well, that's very odd 'cos I was too.
Let's go together," says Pooh, says he.
"Let's go together," says Pooh.

"What's twice eleven?" I said to Pooh,
("Twice what?" said Pooh to Me.)
"I think it ought to be twenty-two."
"Just what I think myself says Pooh.
"It wasn't an easy sum to do,
But that's what it is," said Pooh, said he.
"That's what it is," said Pooh.

"Let's look for dragons," I said to Pooh.
"Yes, let's," said Pooh to Me
We crossed the river and found a few -
"Yes, those are dragons all right," said Pooh.
"As soon as I saw their beaks I knew.
That's what they are," said Pooh, said he.
"That's what they are," said Pooh.

"Let's frighten the dragons," I said to Pooh.
"That's right," said Pooh to Me.
"I'm not afraid," I said to Pooh,
And I held his paw and I shouted "Shoo!
Silly old dragons!" - and off they flew.
"I wasn't afraid," said Pooh, said he,
"I'm never afraid with you."

So wherever I am, there's always Pooh,
There's always Pooh and Me.
"What would I do?" I said to Pooh,
"If it wasn't for you," and Pooh said: "True,
It isn't much fun for One, but Two
Can stick together," says Pooh, says he.
"That's how it is," says Pooh.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

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