Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Wedding Night Sex

Give yourself a break on your wedding night.

Dr. Mary Ann Bartusis surveyed couples on their honeymoons. 90% of them rated their wedding night sex from 7 to 10 (on a scale of 10). Ideally, of course, 100% would have reported 10s. But let's face it, there are often such unrealistic expectations that there is no way you could meet them!

And you are likely to be tired. Most weddings are at least a little stressful -- they are big events, invested with all sorts of pressures. You are juggling friends, relatives and staff, who are all thrown together and out of their element. And if you have been planning the wedding for ages, it can be a bit of an anti-climax when its over. (Oops, bad pun.)

And then add a bunch of pressure to perform on top of it all!

Remember: your sex life is going to get better and better over time. It doesn't peak the first night of marriage!

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Is that a watermelon in your pocket or ...

Texas A&M University research shows watermelon might work just as well as Viagra!

Apparently six slices have the same impact as one Viagra, and work by relaxing blood vessels through out the body. It is "not as organ-specific" says the Dr Bhimu Patil but has a huge range of health benefits.

Read the whole story here.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

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Monday, September 22, 2008

Want your relationship to last? Don't have an affair....and other amazing marriage tips!

According to a recent survey conducted in the UK, extramarital affairs are the number one cause driving couples apart. Affairs! Problems in the bedroom are cited as number two.

Huh?

Don't the experts always tell us that 'money' is the biggest bone of contention couples have? Who are all these people having affairs? And why?

I'd have to say that if your marriage is being decimated by one or more parties having an affair, the fling is not likely the root of the break up. The affair is most likely a symptom of whatever is driving the couple apart. One partner feels unappreciated by his spouse, so he seeks the company of someone who thinks he is fabulous. Another partner feels lonely because her partner works shift work, and instead of talking to her partner she goes out and find someone who is there in the moment.

How do you get at what is actually causing the rift between partners? Well, I will tell you.

Wait for it...

(This is quite revolutionary.)

Communicate with each other.

Yep. Tell each other how you feel BEFORE the problem escalates and BEFORE you get the urge to start trolling for a newer model. Some problems are difficult to talk about, like sex (major problem number two according to the survey). It doesn't matter, you still need to communicate about it.

Do it in person, in a letter, in a card, in an e-mail, over the phone, or through a counsellor... just do it. Speak with love and from a place that talks about how YOU feel. Try not to blame. Always try to give the other person the benefit of the doubt... if the other person abuses this trust then we have bigger issues.

CouplesQuestions Online Marriage Prep program is ideal for engaged and newly married couples to start their marriages off with those lines of communication open. Why not give it a try?

Incidentally, work stress or lack of work-life balance is noted as the third biggest factor in marital break down.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

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posted by Heather and Dan @ 8:21 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Good, good, good vibrations over the web

No, we are not talking about down loading that classic Beach Boys song. We are talking about the latest in toys designed to enhance your relationship.

Note: The following post contains references to sex and new technology in sex toys. If that is not your deal, check back with us another day when we are back to our normally G-Rated selves.

As you know we like to post on the latest and greatest of what's new in relationships. In her article today, Jennifer Parks of Canwest News Service introduces us to teledildonics: electronic sex toys that are controlled via the internet. For those couples that indulge in cybersex and are already making that mental connection via the web, teledildonics would assist with the physical side of things, presumably making it a more complete experience. Or at least increase the level of interaction when you are miles apart.

According to Parks' research, the idea is this: You would buy an internet compatible sex toy and then download the appropriate software (highjoy.com and sinulator.com are suggested in the article...we know nothing about them at this point). Then, all your partner requires is access to the internet and they can then control your sex toy over the web.

Who would use this? Well, the image of a busy corporate executive who is unable to get home for a lunchtime quickie availing himself of these products and services has a decidedly high Yuck factor for me. Yet, somehow military personnel using them to stay intimate while they are posted overseas isn't quite as distasteful. But that is just me.

I worry about the seedy, um, er, the seedier side of this technology. Will people cheat more with this technology? Will it cause more infidelity? I can certainly imagine a situation where a person is having cybersex with someone other than their spouse, arguing it isn't really cheating...


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posted by Heather and Dan @ 11:39 AM 1 Comments Links to this post

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Sex and Money

I'm not saying they necessarily go together...

But they happen to be the topics of the two newest articles in our growing library.

They are kinda how-to ish: how to have better sex, how to make better financial decisions. So they sort of go together.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

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posted by Heather and Dan @ 6:45 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

Friday, October 19, 2007

The old myth of sexual peak

It's a truism we've all heard: men peak sexually at 18 and women peak at 36. But it's a myth.

The myth comes from the Kinsey Report in the 1960s. What it actually measured was how many orgasms men and women were having. And 18 year-old boys masturbate a lot. So lots of orgasms.

On the other hand, 36-year old women tend to be in comfortable relationships that work for them, both in and out of bed. So they have more orgasms.

And guys, this is a good thing to know. The average woman finds sex better when she's been with the same guy for years!

via Vancouver Magazine

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posted by Heather and Dan @ 8:31 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

Friday, September 28, 2007

Marriage, Jane's Guide

Warning: Risque content!

JaneSays has two thoughtful pieces on marriage in the last two days. Being the sex-positive, alternative sort that she is, she has a wider range of experience than most of us.

I didn't find the blog easy to navigate so here are the two posts:

Warning again: Jane's Guide (the blog is part of it) is a sex site, with explicit everything including ads. If that isn't your thing, don't follow the links.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!


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posted by Heather and Dan @ 8:01 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Sex in space

OK, this is a bit off topic. But you got to admit, it is kind of interesting!

We are willing to bet at least a few of our readers will get to be tourists in outer space in their lifetimes. Warning: according to the LiveScience blog, the sex may well be underwhelming.

Seems unfair, but makes sense.

See? Just one more reason why you should do your part to make this planet a happy one!

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

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posted by Heather and Dan @ 9:55 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Articles to help

It looks like we've been focused on the holidays, neglecting to post. Truth is we've been over at our new version of this blog.

There are several new posts there. Probably more interesting is our new library of marriage articles at CouplesQuestions.com.

Currently, you'll find:
 We've got three others pending, including one on what one couple learned in premarital counseling.

And we are always open to your suggestions. Heck, write for us if you are a decent writer and know something related to marriage!

Happy Couples, Happy Planet and Happy Holidays!

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Tuesday, December 5, 2006

Kissing for Couples

It is really rather fitting that the first article in our new library of marriage and premarital resources should be on kissing!

As author John Ince notes, kissing is one of the most intimate and important things a couple does. But the frequency and passion tends to decline as the relationship matures.

Find out how to reignite the passion in John’s article on kissing for couples. You can even take a class, if you happen to be in Vancouver!

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

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posted by Heather and Dan @ 2:58 PM 1 Comments Links to this post

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Talk it Out Before You Tie The Knot - Low Sex Drive!

What is it they say be for TV shows with adult content? WARNING: the following contains mature content of a sexual nature and may not be suitable for all readers. Seriously.

There is no getting around it, sex is a big part of most marriages and at some point, though very dificult for many people, it needs be discussed. The format of the couplesquestions.com workbook may help take some of the embarrassment out of these (and possibly other) types of discussions. But in the meantime...

We aren't experts in sex therapy, but we had an e-mail lately from a man concerned about how his low sex drive and inability to perform the way he wants is affecting his marriage. We replied to him specifically, but a blog post on the subject generally may offer suggestions to other men in this same situation. Hopefully we can help a little.

First off, if you are experiencing low sex drive and inability to perform (impotence or premature ejaculation) you are probably pretty normal. There are lots of people in the same situation. Your first step should be to go talk to your doctor and see if there is anything wrong medically. It could be any number of things. It could be something that there is a medication for. Or it could be something like work stress. In that case, you may need to make a change in your life, like getting a different job.

Second, having a low sex drive may not even be the problem. The problem may be that you and your wife (we are assuming same-sex partners) are not in sync. If you have a very low sex drive and she has a high one, you both need to find a way to meet in the middle. You might think that sexual intercourse is the only real sex, but it is not (no matter what Bill Clinton says!). You could try oral sex on her and then finish up with intercourse. You could hold her and hug her while she masturbates. There is massage, there are games, there are toys.

It might be hard to try anything new when you are already nervous or even angry with each other. It may be much easier if you see a therapist or counsellor together. The counsellor will be much more helpful than we could ever be. And because they have all the proper training, you are both more likely to believe what they tell you.

Talking to your doctor or counsellor will probably be tough for you to do. Most men don't like to talk about this stuff, especially if there is a problem. But that is what doctors and counselors are there for. If you really find it too embarrassing, then print off this blog post and give that to the doctor to read. Your marriage is worth it.

If you can't afford a counsellor, you might be able to get free counselling provided at work or you might talk to your minister or priest or someone else like that. There are lots of free resources available from libraries, community centers, and free clinics. Start with a Google Search of what's available in your area.

You are doing the right thing -- looking for the knowledge you need to fix the problem. You should be proud of yourself. One thing you should ask yourself is "Does my partner know that I am trying to fix this situation?" Just like any challenge in a relationship, talking (or communicating about it in some way) helps. Your partner needs to know that you are worried about the situation and trying to do something ot make it better. She might not know it. You should tell her what you are doing. And you should tell her that you are doing it because she is worth it. So is your relationship.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

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posted by Heather and Dan @ 6:35 AM 2 Comments Links to this post

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