Sunday, April 20, 2008Fatherly AngstI sent my daughter off to her first rock concert tonight.I had to catch a flight, so wasn't there to chaperone. Lord knows what shenanigans she could get up to! Lord knows what bad seeds she might run into. On the other hand, she's only three and it is The Wiggles. Maybe I should relax. - Dan Labels: parenting posted by Heather and Dan @ 9:33 PM
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Tuesday, November 6, 2007Media learningWe were interviewed this afternoon for a local TV show, The Daily. And we learned something valuable.Which is... always clean under the couch and the big comfy chair. The place was awfully darn neat and clean, but James the camera man wanted a different background, so we did an impromptu furniture arranging session. And, holy Hannah! What a mess under the couch! Somebody must've shipped dust in from the Sahara. And there were long-missing books and toys that we'd given up on. The thing is we do clean under there, honest. But... Now we take some solace from the book "Babyproofing Your Marriage" which notes that only dull women (with children, at least) have immaculate houses. Hey, they said it, not us! In fact, they get at a very good point: once you have kids in the mix, something has to give. For most couples, the standard of household neatness is one of the first casualties. You simply have to set your priorities. If you try to keep up all the extracurricular activities or have a spotless house you will drive yourself and each other nuts. Still, I do fantasize sometimes about how clean and neat everything will be when the kids are both in university! Happy Couples, Happy Planet! P.S. Ironically, as I type this Heather has just squirted soy sauce all over the white couch. Yes, I did say white. (The couch was bought several years before the children arrived. We're not that goofy!) Labels: fun, happy unions, marriage, parenting posted by Heather and Dan @ 8:04 PM
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Thursday, February 15, 2007I'm kind of glad Valentine's Day is overFirst and foremost let me wish a hearty congratulations to all the couples who got engaged or got married yesterday. May the life you share be filled with love and happiness!! So many couples share so many wonderful celebrations and memories on Valentine’s Day, that I feel a teensy bit bad for being a bit of a Negative Nelly this year regarding this “most romantic of holidays”. I remember when I was single, I always wanted to pass through the middle of February very quickly. Back in those days I couldn’t stand all the lovey-dovy hearts and messages all over the place. No one was getting me jewelry. No one was getting me chocolate or flowers (except maybe a commiserating girlfriend). And now that I am in a loving, committed and completely wonderful relationship, Valentines Day is simply not the Big Deal that I thought, back in my single life, it would be. And I am MORE than fine with that. Yes, my husband and I always exchange a “little something” on the 14th and we always try to set aside time for each other to do an activity (go for a walk, go for lunch, have a date of some kind… whatever ever we feel like) and to express what we mean to each other. But I have to say, we do those things all year long. Truthfully, Valentine’s Day is not that much different from any other day… except, I suppose, the gifts are sometimes more extravagant. Having a day set aside just for love is a great idea for some people who are so busy that they need to be reminded to tell their loved ones how they feel. But for me, it can feel like what my father calls “organized joy”. It’s like someone telling you, “You will have fun riiiiiiiight…..NOW!” Don’t get me wrong, I love a good excuse for a celebration and a chance to spoil my sweetie. And I always enjoy going out for a romantic dinner with Dan, it’s just that I don’t feel we should be pushed or guilted into doing those things on a particularly designated day just because the greeting card companies say we should. Don’t you think the world would be a better place if we treated our partners well and showed them lots of love and affection all year long, instead of on just one day? Now that we have children, it is fun to look at the holiday through their eyes… My daughter wanted to give stickers her various grandparents and our neighbors (but for some reason I forced her into making heart shaped cards). She’s only little, so she doesn’t really get the full romantic meaning of the day. All she understands is that it’s a day to show love to family and friends. She doesn’t really care about hearts or flowers of chocolates. Isn’t that the way it should be? Happy Couples, Happy Planet! Labels: life, parenting, relationships, romance posted by Heather and Dan @ 9:06 PM
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Wednesday, December 27, 2006Max's BaptismOur little son Max will be baptized tomorrow. And you are asking yourself, “What has that got to to with premarriage education?”Plenty. You see, religious differences are one of the key predictors of marital breakdown. And our little family has had to navigate these waters. Heather is Catholic, her family are active in the Church, and her uncle is a priest. I am d) none of the above. In fact, my mother is a confirmed atheist. (One of my favourite lines from a movie is in The Emerald Forest: “Oh, they are confirming atheists now?!”) Heather and I came to an explicit agreement on the subject before we got married:
Your own agreement on about how you will handle religion in your marriage will likely look quite different from ours. But one word in ours should apply to yours: “explicit”. Even if one of you is converting to the other’s religion, you still need to agree on how often, where and when you will attend services. AND the convert deserves some thanks, in this world not the next. Moving away from a lifetime of belief is not done lightly. If you are of different religions or if one is religious and the other isn’t, then you need to spell things out all the more clearly. It is very easy to make assumptions and end up feeling betrayed when your partner turns out not to share those assumptions. For example, the more devout you are, the harder it is to believe that your bride or groom-to-be won’t see the light. (This, in my experience, applies equally to atheists and to believers.) In addition, you may well face pressures from your family or from your spouse’s family. It is much better to have an agreed upon line ahead of time. If you are making decisions on the fly, you will often find yourselves tripping over them. Ultimately, our agreement has worked very well for us. But there were hiccups… which will be the topic of another post. Tomorrow, my inlaws will be thankful for my spirit of compromise and I will be thankful for having such great inlaws. Happy Couples, Happy Planet! - Dan Labels: life, parenting, premarital 101 posted by Heather and Dan @ 9:36 PM
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