Some say “Yes, absolutely!”

If you are freshly engaged or newly married, it may seem difficult to imagine time when you’d want to take a separate vacation from your partner. But the time may come when doing just that will turn out to be a great thing for your relationship.

Susan Schwartz, a CanWest reporter, writes about this in her article “Spouses go separate vacation ways“. She states, according to Betty Goldwarg, who is a Montreal psychotherapist, travelling independently can help partners to grow individually and as a couple. Schwartz goes on to say taking a trip, however long or short, without one’s partner means seeing a place from a different perspective than you would together — and returning home with stories to tell.

Dan and I LOVE to get away together. In fact, we recently had an incredible night away at Sooke Harbour House that renewed our romance and left us well-fed and rested. But having said that, we each encourage the other to take breaks now and again — especially now that our lives are so busy with work and with the children. The breaks are also a great idea because we don’t share ALL the same interests and they give us a chance to explore some of the things we like to do individually.

I recently had a weekend away with my girlfriends and Dan had a week in Halifax hanging out with his brother. I love it that we encouraged each other to take these trips. It’s always hard to leave, but it really makes me appreciate him and miss him. Strange, but it feels good missing him. I think he feels the same way, too.

Separate vacations are a good idea as long as the relationship is on stable footing. As Schwartz says, solo vacations can work, as long as the couple has a committed relationship that is healthy and sound. She refers to psychologist Marla Yanofsky who notes “If there is a strength in the couple, it can be seen as a healthy thing — that there is independence.” If all a couple takes is separate vacations or if one person resents the other person taking off on their own, then there could be a problem.

Why not talk this issue over with your partner. Ask them how they would feel taking a holiday on their own. Ask them how they would feel about you doing it? Discuss it, talk about pros and cons, and set some goals for ways to have some time apart AND strengthen your relationship. This kind of communication is really beneficial early on in a relationship and will help you avoid pitfalls later on.

Need other ideas of things to chew over with your loved one? Go to CouplesQuestions.com and find ways to make your marriage extraordinary.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

Whether you are celebrating Easter or Passover we would like to wish you all the best of the season from CouplesQuestions.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

Valentines Day is sneaking up on us. So what are you doing for your love?

Our suggestion is a kissing night. Total cost: one bottle of juice or wine. Full details are on John Ince’s article on kissing in our premarital library.

The Bargain Queen has a longer list of Valentines dates under $20. Be sure to check out both posts.

We are not really big fans of the barrage of advertisements that precedes Valentines (or just about any major holiday, for that matter). But we do play a game that works for us.

Heather rates how great/awful the various pieces of jewelry in each ad are. Dan gets an idea of what might work for future presents. It works because there is no pressure to actually ever buy. But the day after we win the lottery…

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

We’ve hit on a tradition that we think we are going to stick with: celebrate the New Year with friends in a different time zone.

Between the 6-month old and the two-year old, we don’t get near enough sleep. So staying up to midnight sounds more like an ordeal than a good time.

Instead, we’ve just called my brother’s family on the East Coast, four hours ahead of us. We cheered and celebrated long distance. And we get to go to bed at a reasonable time, which will make the first day of the New Year much happier than it otherwise would have been!

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

Not much else to say, really.

I love Christmas. It is by far my favourite holiday, though we make an effort not to go overboard.

Heather and I make a pact not to get gifts for each other, each year. And every year, I cheat and get her something. She has cottoned on, though, and bought me something this year.

To my mind, gift-giving is mostly about kids. And we had a great time watching Millie open her presents (and everyone else’s). She was quite spoiled this year and — at two years old — she if finally understanding what the gifts are. The last two Christmases were all about eating wrapping paper.
For us, Christmas is more about family. We live close to our parents (by design, after years of living and traveling far from home). My parents usually host a Christmas Eve get together, then we host Christmas morning for brunch and a Secret Santa gift exchange, then my in-laws host a dinner with all the trimmings.

The Secret Santa works well for us. We set a $50 limit. Each person contributes one gift and we each get a chance to unwrap a present or to steal an already unwrapped one from someone who has already opened. It’s fun, some of the gifts are really creative, and I always look forward to it. It makes Christmas shopping a breeze and really removes much of the stress. And, as we have all been adults for some time, we all have more than we need already. We still get the joy of giving, but without collecting piles of stuff that we don’t really need.

How you handle holidays is something you should discuss with your spouse. Ideally, before you get married, of course. Do you want to start your own traditions? Do you like the way your family handled things? Will you spend a given holiday with your parents or your spouse’s? Do you want to start celebrating on your own?

Remember, too, that holidays can be stressful. In fact, many people do not have happy associations with, for example, Christmas. Starting a married life together can give you the opportunity to change that with traditions or approaches that work better for you.

All the best for the holidays, to you and yours.

-Dan

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

As the Festival of Lights gets set to begin, we would like to wish all of you who are celebrating Hanukkah the very best of the season and for the coming New Year!

Not being Jewish myself, my in depth knowledge of this festival is limited - You can learn more here. But I know that at heart it is a celebration of being free from religious persecution - and that, as far as I am concerned, is definitely worth acknowledgment and cerebration in this sometimes troubled world. I find the traditions surrounding Hanukkah are warm and wonderful. The prayers are beautiful (I love the sound of them, even if I don’t understand them) and the food is GORGEOUS!! So fabulous it could make a gal convert! Oy vey!

Happy Hanukkah! Hope these “8 Crazy Nights” are terrific!

Heather

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!