A marriage role model

Dan's aunt and uncle are really good role models for marriage. Married since the Second World War, they have remained active and spry and together ever since (and they are well into their 80s).

She had a stroke the week before last. But they are tackling that with aplomb!

The stroke left Christine exhausted, with minimal use of her left arm and leg. Still, she was going crazy after being stuck in the house for a week. So they decided to go out.

Only problem is that they had to go somewhere that she could sit down at a moment's notice.

So they went to a furniture store! Isn't that brilliant?

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

Labels: goals, happy unions, marriage, togetherness

posted by Heather and Dan @ 8:48 PM 1 Comments Links to this post

Expectations

Labels: about CouplesQuestions, goals, premarital 101, premarriage questions, weddings

posted by Heather and Dan @ 10:45 AM 0 Comments Links to this post

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Labels: about CouplesQuestions, fun, goals

posted by Heather and Dan @ 4:46 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

Financial goals for couples

Probably the best path to financial stability and health is the pay-yourself-first strategy.

If you are not familiar with it, here's the short version:

• Every pay day, you put aside a certain amount for savings before you pay any bills or buy anything whether a necessity or a luxury.
• The aim is usually to be putting 10% away all the time.

There are two books we'd recommend that spell it out in greater detail and both are easy reads that are well worth the time. The Wealthy Barber is absolutely excellent; The Richest Man in Babylon is justifiably a classic.

But what if you can barely save anything, let alone 10%? How to get started?

Start small. If you can't put away 10% of each pay check, then start putting away 2% or 3%. The amounts might be too small to justify a trip to the bank each time, so put it in a piggy bank or cookie tin. Go and deposit it in the bank when your stash gets big enough to make the effort worthwhile. That way you get to see progress and you get into the habit.

Then... increase the amount once you are used to living on a little less. One couple we met a few years ago had retired with a heck of a nest egg (and a paid off house). They started the simplest way imaginable: every time they got a raise or a bonus, they saved half of it and kept saving that amount. That way they got more to spend to live on each year, but the amount that they were saving went up and up and up over the years.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

Labels: goals, money, recommended

posted by Heather and Dan @ 3:56 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

How much ink do you want?

We have a friend who, among other things, is a blossoming writer. She has had 2 novels and a short story published recently. But she also just got her first rejection and it is an interesting one.

Her latest novel (for teens, by the way) was about a girl, her horse, her "always there for her" best friend, and her decent, competent mother and father. What's not to like? It sounds like the childhood most of us wish we had!

"Too perfect," said the publisher. Nobody wants to read a story without drama. Conflict sells -- just glance at your local newspaper or gossip tabloid, if you don't believe that it does. So the father is being killed off, the mother is becoming unstable, and the best friend is now best half the time and worst the other half. Only the horse will be her constant friend.

Fair enough, if you want people to read about your life. But if you want to live your life, would you prefer to have great parents, great family, great friends and a great horse? Or crappy everything else and just a great horse?

Cutting to the chase: most of the couples/marriages/relationships that you will ever read about (or hear about in the lunch room) are not going to be the great ones or even the good ones. They are going to be the juicy, stupid, salacious, problematic, criminal, or high drama ones.

There is always going to be a huge bias in fiction and media towards conflict and disaster, elation and despair, entertainment more than education. When you think about it, even academics look mostly at problems!

If you go looking for good role models, you will find them. There are untold millions of happy marriages out there. You just won't find them being written about until their 50th wedding anniversary.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

Labels: goals, news

posted by Heather and Dan @ 5:45 AM 0 Comments Links to this post

Fitness goals: Help each other get healthy

Have you noticed a little waistline spread since you and your sweetie got together? Have you gotten a little too relaxed about your workout regime? Are your bums happily growing roots, side by side on the sofa?

You are not alone. This is a common circumstance for many couples who relax into the comfort of a loving relationship. But if you or your partner (or both of you) wants to get back into feeling and being more physically fit you can do it. You can start today. One great way to show your loved ones that you care is to support them in their fitness goals. There are several ways you might do this.

Working out together is a great idea if you are so inclined. If you are vastly different in your fitness levels this may be difficult to do every day, but once in a while might be a great show of support to the one who is trying to improve.

If you can’t train together, you can show your support by helping each other make time for fitness. One of you can watch the children or the business while the other gets out and works up a bit of a sweat. This is a great show of support, I think, especially for mothers who sometimes feel guilty about taking time for their own needs. Moms and Dads BOTH deserve time to themselves – especially to take care of their health.

If one or both of you is working toward better health and fitness, avoid the negative and stick to the positive. Say those encouraging words to your partner all along the way. Even though you may be making big changes to your routine, big results do not happen overnight. You have to (we have to, actually) be patient and consistent. And, don’t beat yourself up when you fall of the wagon. Just get back on it!!

We are not experts in this area, but speaking from experience, step one is to stand up and move around. Go for a walk, put in an exercise video, hit the gym or the pool whatever!

These days, I am working on getting rid of the baby weight accumulated while carrying Baby Max (now just over 4 months old!) and Dan is interested in getting a bit fitter too. Since Dan is now on his Parental Leave for the next 8 months, we have made a commitment to each other to get in some kind of exercising every day. We have even started running together 3 days a week. I am finding it so much easier to make time to work out when I have his support and/ or his company.

For those who are engaged or recently got married, fitness is just one of the topics addressed in the CouplesQuestions marriage preparation workbook.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

Labels: goals

posted by Heather and Dan @ 7:56 AM 0 Comments Links to this post

Goal Setting: as a couple and as individuals

In a post a few days ago, I wrote about what the elements are to building a 40 year marriage. I talked specifically about my parents’ anniversary celebrations, but I didn’t mention one very valuable aspect of their relationship that they have always done which they shared with Dan and I: goal setting. Goal setting has since become a very important part of our marriage and a key element of couplesquestions.com.

Every year my parents would go away for at least one night, but usually for the weekend. They would leave their four children (I’m #3) with my Dad’s mom, go somewhere not too far away (usually Tofino) and use that time to reconnect, go over their goals and make some new ones for the coming year. I suppose it was kind of an Annual General Meeting for their relationship. But, it wasn’t all business, I’m sure. If I know my folks, they made time to explore, to hike, to learn something new about the place they were staying and to have a romantic dinner or two. But in all of that, they spent some time talking about their personal goals, about their goals for their relationship and their goals for the family.

Just like it is in business, for athletes, for students or for people trying to get healthy, setting goals is a great tool for couples (and for families). Goal setting can help you focus on what you really want to do and meeting those goals can help you to feel successful. For more on the importance of goal setting, check out this very nice little article by Alex Cleanthous. As a couple you might set fitness goals, financial goals, household goals (paint the house, organize the garage), or goals for your relationship ( practice better communication, have a special date night at least once a month, read a “couples” book together and discuss).

You should also set personal goals, too, and that way you can support each other in reaching for and achieving your dreams. When my parents do this each year, they always refer to it as making their “no regrets plan”. I really admire them for not wanting life to pass them by without at least TRYING to achieve some of the things they want to before they can't anymore.

I was reminded of this style of life planning when I saw Lance Armstrong on Ellen the other day and he was encouraging a cancer patient to continue to work on his life goals. What an amazing way to help a person stay focused on their LIFE while struggling with an illness. We can all learn from that, I think. What was the line from that Tim McGraw song? “He said someday I hope you get the chance to live like you were dying”.

Find your “no regrets plan” for yourself and for each other!

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

Labels: goals

posted by Heather and Dan @ 6:36 AM 1 Comments Links to this post