Romantic Comedies can be hazardous to your relationship
Recent research is showing you shouldn't take romantic comedies seriously.What if you enjoy romantic comedies? Keep watching them! But research by Dr. Bjarne Holmes of Heriot Watt University shows that you need to be a little careful. Holmes says there are three myths common to most romantic comedies. All of them can be damaging to real relationships because they set up unrealistic expectations.
1. Most romantic comedies are all about love at first sight or meeting your soul mate. In the real world, though, great marriages are not flukes. People meet and fall in love, but they become soul mates.
It takes time and effort to nurture a great relationship. They don't just happen. As Holmes puts it, imagine if you found your dream job. Then you just relaxed and coasted for 10 years. What state would your career be in? Well, a marriage is the same.
2. Older couples in romantic movies are almost all irritating, bickering, lousy role models. Again, not so in the real world.
At age 25, you might not hang out with 60 year olds. But the real role models are couples who have been together for decades, have seen good times and bad, have raised children and built careers, have empty-nested and retired. They are doing something right. Chances are, they will have more to teach you than any movie could.
Is there a successful older couple in your life? If not, just keep an eye out for the 70-somethings walking along hand in hand. It'll give your day a little boost when you see them.
3. In the movies, if someone is your true love they know your mind better than you do. They know what you want without you having to tell them.
And in the real world? The reason that we talk is that we are not telepathic. You don't need to talk your relationship to death, but you do need to let each other know what works for you. Marriage preparation can be very helpful, since it guides you to understand each other better. Even if you are the sort of couple who finish each others' sentences, you need to make an effort to let your lover know what you like, what you love about them, and what you appreciate about them. Too many marriages just fade out because both partners are waiting for the other one to make the first move.
One of Holmes' other findings: people are more influenced by media than they think. Just remember that you are watching the movie to escape reality, not learn about it. And keep the three myths in mind.
Holmes, by the way, has begun a study on media, personality and well-being. If you'd like to take part, you can fill out a survey here:
Labels: life, love, marriage, relationships
posted by Heather and Dan @ 8:50 PM
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