Venting 101: How to share your stress with someone you love

The boss has gone crazy, the kids are climbing the walls (or have you doing so), the car has overheated, the bills are piling up, your mother spent the afternoon on the phone criticizing you and your dog has thrown-up on the new carpet while you were in the process of burning supper.

Ever had a day like that?

We all have.

These are the days when you just can't wait for your partner to get home so you can unburden yourself by telling them about your day by reliving every agonizing, irritating, frustrating detail. Sometimes it seems like the only way you can blow off steam (either that or noshing on an entire cheesecake).

However, we need to keep in mind that our spouse may not be ready to take on all the stress that is about to come their way. Janice Taylor (described by O Magazine as "a kooky genius") is a weight loss coach and motivational speaker and she gives some tips for venting to your partner in a way that takes into account their feelings too.

1. Ask Permission: "Is this a good time to listen? I need to share the gruesome details of my crazy day." If the answer is "NO!" Respect that No! Ask, "Please let me know when it is a good time."
2. Timing: Before you launch into your bucket list of upset, frazzled nerves and complaints (all justified, of course), do check in with your main squeeze to see if he or she is equally stressed.
3. Be Clear: Are you sharing, looking for feedback, or just need a place to be heard. If all you want is to be heard. Start the conversation off with "Please, do not respond. Just listen -intently! I need you to be with me. That's all."
4. Time Yourself: Vent, talk, share ... dump ... whatever you want to call it for a maximum of one minute and then check in and see if the person is still with you. Really 30 seconds would be better. Don't take advantage of the 'sharee.'
5. Responsibility: Ultimately, it is your stress. Support is GREAT! But no one can singularly fix it.

For the complete article, follow the link to Janice Taylor's blog.

We have written many times in this blog about the importance of empathy in a good relationship. This is another example of when empathy comes in handy. Get that load off your mind...absolutely! But do it in such a way that takes into account the way your partner might be feeling also.

Happy Couples, Happy planet!

Labels: life, marriage, relationships

posted by Heather and Dan @ 4:18 PM 2 Comments Links to this post

Free CouplesQuestions Account

For a little while, we are offering the full CQ premarital program for free. It's a great way to start your marriage right.

Click here to sign up for free marriage education program.

For a full explanation of the program go to our homepage. It describes why premarriage discussions are so important... whether you go with our online service, with a local counsellor, or through a religious program.

Why for free? Because we are celebrating the two year anniversary of the online program. CouplesQuestions started life as a book draft in 2005, but we soon found it made more sense to offer it purely as an online resource.

Why "a little while"? Because premarital counselling is one of those things that is very easy to put off until it is too late.

And there are no strings attached to this offer whatsoever.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

posted by Heather and Dan @ 1:25 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

Is that a watermelon in your pocket or ...

Texas A&M University research shows watermelon might work just as well as Viagra!

Apparently six slices have the same impact as one Viagra, and work by relaxing blood vessels through out the body. It is "not as organ-specific" says the Dr Bhimu Patil but has a huge range of health benefits.

Read the whole story here.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

Labels: sex

posted by Heather and Dan @ 1:16 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

Want your relationship to last? Don't have an affair....and other amazing marriage tips!

According to a recent survey conducted in the UK, extramarital affairs are the number one cause driving couples apart. Affairs! Problems in the bedroom are cited as number two.

Huh?

Don't the experts always tell us that 'money' is the biggest bone of contention couples have? Who are all these people having affairs? And why?

I'd have to say that if your marriage is being decimated by one or more parties having an affair, the fling is not likely the root of the break up. The affair is most likely a symptom of whatever is driving the couple apart. One partner feels unappreciated by his spouse, so he seeks the company of someone who thinks he is fabulous. Another partner feels lonely because her partner works shift work, and instead of talking to her partner she goes out and find someone who is there in the moment.

How do you get at what is actually causing the rift between partners? Well, I will tell you.

Wait for it...

(This is quite revolutionary.)

Communicate with each other.

Yep. Tell each other how you feel BEFORE the problem escalates and BEFORE you get the urge to start trolling for a newer model. Some problems are difficult to talk about, like sex (major problem number two according to the survey). It doesn't matter, you still need to communicate about it.

Do it in person, in a letter, in a card, in an e-mail, over the phone, or through a counsellor... just do it. Speak with love and from a place that talks about how YOU feel. Try not to blame. Always try to give the other person the benefit of the doubt... if the other person abuses this trust then we have bigger issues.

CouplesQuestions Online Marriage Prep program is ideal for engaged and newly married couples to start their marriages off with those lines of communication open. Why not give it a try?

Incidentally, work stress or lack of work-life balance is noted as the third biggest factor in marital break down.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

Labels: marriage, relationships, sex

posted by Heather and Dan @ 8:21 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

Two Service Announcements

Two service announcements for you:

1) Our credit card processing is broken. It should be fixed in a couple of days, but if you want an account contact us using our contact form. We just need your e-mail address, your name and your partner's name. Don't try to register with the registration form... it won't work.

The issue is a technical one: our credit card processor changed digital certificates and our version of PHP (which drives the site) doesn't automatically sense the change, so it needs to be done by our ISP, which could take a day or two.

2) If you are looking at us using Firefox 3.0.1, our right hand column doesn't display right. The site still works properly (except see 1 above!), but it is kinda ugly. We'll fix this after we fix problem one.

Phooey.

Labels: service announcements

posted by Heather and Dan @ 11:00 PM 0 Comments Links to this post