Venting 101: How to share your stress with someone you love
The boss has gone crazy, the kids are climbing the walls (or have you doing so), the car has overheated, the bills are piling up, your mother spent the afternoon on the phone criticizing you and your dog has thrown-up on the new carpet while you were in the process of burning supper.Ever had a day like that?
We all have.
These are the days when you just can't wait for your partner to get home so you can unburden yourself by telling them about your day by reliving every agonizing, irritating, frustrating detail. Sometimes it seems like the only way you can blow off steam (either that or noshing on an entire cheesecake).
However, we need to keep in mind that our spouse may not be ready to take on all the stress that is about to come their way. Janice Taylor (described by O Magazine as "a kooky genius") is a weight loss coach and motivational speaker and she gives some tips for venting to your partner in a way that takes into account their feelings too.
- Ask Permission: "Is this a good time to listen? I need to share the gruesome details of my crazy day." If the answer is "NO!" Respect that No! Ask, "Please let me know when it is a good time."
- Timing: Before you launch into your bucket list of upset, frazzled nerves and complaints (all justified, of course), do check in with your main squeeze to see if he or she is equally stressed.
- Be Clear: Are you sharing, looking for feedback, or just need a place to be heard. If all you want is to be heard. Start the conversation off with "Please, do not respond. Just listen -intently! I need you to be with me. That's all."
- Time Yourself: Vent, talk, share ... dump ... whatever you want to call it for a maximum of one minute and then check in and see if the person is still with you. Really 30 seconds would be better. Don't take advantage of the 'sharee.'
- Responsibility: Ultimately, it is your stress. Support is GREAT! But no one can singularly fix it.
We have written many times in this blog about the importance of empathy in a good relationship. This is another example of when empathy comes in handy. Get that load off your mind...absolutely! But do it in such a way that takes into account the way your partner might be feeling also.
Happy Couples, Happy planet!
Labels: life, marriage, relationships
posted by Heather and Dan @ 4:18 PM
2 Comments :
I like to get something for my trouble when ever I am inconvenienced and a day like you described certainly would rank high on my stress-o-meter. Here is my solution: 10 minutes on my DDR and a hot shower. By the time my husband comes home, I feel in control and even feel more like listening to him.
I like your approach. It's important to talk about the stress sometimes, but its also important that coming home is generally a fun, loving experience.
I know people who just dump everything on their poor spouse when he/she walks through the door. THAT can't be something they look forward to after a while!
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