Some say “Yes, absolutely!”

If you are freshly engaged or newly married, it may seem difficult to imagine time when you’d want to take a separate vacation from your partner. But the time may come when doing just that will turn out to be a great thing for your relationship.

Susan Schwartz, a CanWest reporter, writes about this in her article “Spouses go separate vacation ways“. She states, according to Betty Goldwarg, who is a Montreal psychotherapist, travelling independently can help partners to grow individually and as a couple. Schwartz goes on to say taking a trip, however long or short, without one’s partner means seeing a place from a different perspective than you would together — and returning home with stories to tell.

Dan and I LOVE to get away together. In fact, we recently had an incredible night away at Sooke Harbour House that renewed our romance and left us well-fed and rested. But having said that, we each encourage the other to take breaks now and again — especially now that our lives are so busy with work and with the children. The breaks are also a great idea because we don’t share ALL the same interests and they give us a chance to explore some of the things we like to do individually.

I recently had a weekend away with my girlfriends and Dan had a week in Halifax hanging out with his brother. I love it that we encouraged each other to take these trips. It’s always hard to leave, but it really makes me appreciate him and miss him. Strange, but it feels good missing him. I think he feels the same way, too.

Separate vacations are a good idea as long as the relationship is on stable footing. As Schwartz says, solo vacations can work, as long as the couple has a committed relationship that is healthy and sound. She refers to psychologist Marla Yanofsky who notes “If there is a strength in the couple, it can be seen as a healthy thing — that there is independence.” If all a couple takes is separate vacations or if one person resents the other person taking off on their own, then there could be a problem.

Why not talk this issue over with your partner. Ask them how they would feel taking a holiday on their own. Ask them how they would feel about you doing it? Discuss it, talk about pros and cons, and set some goals for ways to have some time apart AND strengthen your relationship. This kind of communication is really beneficial early on in a relationship and will help you avoid pitfalls later on.

Need other ideas of things to chew over with your loved one? Go to CouplesQuestions.com and find ways to make your marriage extraordinary.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

Many a muggle is experiencing the hoopla and the excitement around the new Harry Potter movie and the upcoming release of the final installment of the books. I know I personally can’t wait to get my hands on a copy of of the book and plan to take pleasure in every page.

Because of all the hype, we thought this piece (in part below) from marriage.about.com rather fitting. The only lesson that we would add to their list is preparedness. Just like in life (and when fighting Death Eaters and other evil forces) we believe in the critical importance of preparing for your marriage and setting this most important of relationships up for success. Think of preparing for your marriage (not just your wedding) as an investment in your future together.

Twenty-Two Tips for Your Marriage from Sheri & Bob Stritof,

Although Rowling has her critics, there are many folks who have read her Harry Potter books and judge her to be not only a good story teller, but also a philosopher and moral teacher as she writes about happiness, fear, and one’s journey through life. Here are some lessons the two of you, as a married couple, can learn from Harry Potter and his friends.

1. Truth. Call a spade a spade. Don’t dance around a topic. However, truth in your marriage can be a double edged sword. Truth can be both beautiful and terrible. Truth needs to be used with caution.

2. Choices. According to Dumbledore, the importance of your choices is that they can show who you truly are. Dumbledore often focuses on choices and how they can determine your character over the long term.

3. Unfairness. Life can be unfair. Think about the many times Harry and his friends were treated unfairly, unkindly or disrepectfully by the Dursleys, Snape, Malfoy, Umbridge and others. Don’t give up when tough times hit your marriage. In the face of unfair and faulty decisions, expect better from one another.

The article also goes on to describe what Harry Potter teaches us about…

4. Relationships.
5. Friendships.
6. Goals.
7. Protection.
8. Courage.
9. First Impressions.
10. Second Chances.

…and much more!! It’s a good little article and worth a read. For the rest of the twenty two life lessons check out the whole article at http://marriage.about.com/od/tips/qt/harrypotter.htm

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

OK, well perhaps not ALL the time, but sometimes the ability to know what our significant other is REALLY thinking would be truly beneficial.

All couples find communication difficult at least some of the time. And at least some of the breakdown is in part because we don’t always say exactly what we mean. Now, there are very “good” reasons for this lack of clarity in a marriage - perhaps you don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings, or you unclear/undecided on the issue yourself, or you have rushed what you meant to say for some external reason (job, kids, whatever) or maybe you are just covering your own ass. Regardless, we certainly understand that it DOES happen and every person involved in a significant relationship will have to spend a certain amount of time decoding messages taking into account the situation, how well we know the other person, probably other factors as well.

Of course, clear and open communication (getting your message across in a kind way with love at the heart of it) is the ideal and that is what we advocate and strive for. But what about this mind reading thing? Wouldn’t it be great to get some insight with a super power?

We realize that members of each gender do not come from a cookie cutter and sweeping generalizations are not going to apply, however, for women (single, living together, married…) who want to know more about what is going on in the minds of men check out these pages from ivillage.com for responses from a variety of guys to many different questions. The little snippets found on this site will definitely provide an interesting look at what The Boys are really thinking. (Note: some of the questions on this site are related to single women and the topic of dating, but it is still illuminating…)

Now for the fellas (we KNOW you find women rather cryptic sometimes..OK, much of the time!) , I haven’t found a site that is as thorough in its variety of responses (the video on ivillage is cool) but for a quick and informative tutorial check out pleasebemine.com .

These sites won’t help you actually read your sweetie’s mind, but they may provide some insight. One idea might be to check out these sites WITH your partner and discuss them, that way you will get an even deeper understanding of who they are and where they are coming from.

Finally, if all else fails and you REALLY need you know what’s going on inside your your lover’s noggin, HAVE A CONVERSATION. Talk to them openly and approach them with love and understanding. It’s not always easy. In fact sometimes is really rather hard, but do it. You, your partner and your relationship are all worth it.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!