Dan and I always do this thing when we are out in certain public places together. It’s something we think of as “our thing” even though we believe it to be more than a bit geeky. It is an activity we know will truly embarrass our children in the years to come.

Inevitably, when out at Home Depot or a farmer’s market or a museum, we get separated by whatever has peaked our individual interest. When we find each other again some time later, we always pretend that we have suddenly and unexpectedly come across a person we haven’t seen in a while. Sometimes it’s a long lost friend, sometimes it’s an old flame, but we always make a big show and say things like, “Dan? is that you? My God you look fantastic!” or “I knew you’d walk back into my life one day, Gorgeous!”. These greetings are always followed by big hugs and kisses and usually some silly small talk.

I’m not sure why or how we started doing this. It has simply become one of the dorky things we do as a couple. But now I am happy to report that this frivolous activity may be helping to keep romance alive in our relationship.

Psychologist Elizabeth Dunn is an assistant professor at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, BC. She has come up with a theory that my actually help long-term couples re-kindle their romance. According to a report by Stuart Hunter, for the CanWest News Service, Dunn’s theory might be called the “Benjamin Effect”.

Here’s how it all started: Dunn used to have a boyfriend, Benjamin, in whom she noticed a particular behaviour. Some days he would come home sad or grumpy and she would always show him the appropriate sympathy. But then, if they went out for a walk and bumped into an acquaintance, he would perk right up in the presence of the new person. She must have wondered, “Why the heck are you all sullen with me, your GIRLFRIEND, but perfectly happy and cheerful with this person you barely know?”

She took her questions and, along with some colleagues at the university, began her study of hundreds of participants to see if they, too, perked up when faced with someone they didn’t know too well. What did she conclude? According to Hunter’s summation, she concluded that “the best way for couples to rekindle romance is to pretend they are strangers and put their best face forward (called self-presentation process) as if on a first date.”

Dunn stated, “People in this condition ended up feeling happier, enjoying the conversation more than people in the control condition.” She goes on to say, “It’s like scientific evidence for the value of Valentine’s Day.”

The full study will be published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in the June 4th edition in the impressive title “Misunderstanding the Affective Consequences of Everyday Social Interactions: The Hidden Benefits of Putting One’s Best Face Forward”.

I love it when science makes it OK for my husband and I to be goof-balls.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!