Tying the knot this year? You might consider reading “One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding” (Penguin Press) by Rebecca Mead when it comes out in May before you go too crazy-loco with the wedding plans. It is a work that takes a close look at some of “the absurdities inherent in our own behavior” as we plan, orchestrate and execute the North American Wedding.

Be warned though, read this book and you will want to elope, or so says columnist Holly Brubach of the New York Times in her article published yesterday.

Among other interesting points and (rather unflattering) observations, Brubach writes:

“Unmoored from tradition and religion, the wedding has become a vehicle for the couple’s solipsistic fascination with their own image, their urge to mythologize the story of their love.”

And she wonders:

“What prompts couples — women, in particular, since they’re the ones on whom the burden of reply cards and chair covers and seating charts ordinarily falls — to sign up for what several brides characterize as a steady diet of stress? Mead ascribes this willingness, even eagerness, to play along with the most arcane aspects of staging a celebration to couples (again, one imagines, brides in particular) hedging their bets, hoping that a lavish wedding will provide the solid start of a lasting marriage.”

It used to be believed that the longer the brides dress, the greater the chance the couple had at success in their life together. At least that’s what the Bridal magazines in the 50s and 60s told us. Though ridiculous (faulty logic can easily be found by citing numerous examples), it seems much simpler and sweeter somehow than some of the chaos that goes on nowadays. In Mead’s book, the images are even less flattering.

Did you know that for the average (average, mind you!) North American wedding requires 43 vendors? 43! Did you know that the cost of such a wedding is now, on average, well over $27,000? And when did it become all about the bride? When did we become such egomaniacs? Why is it that people are willing to go in to huge debt for their weddings?

Check out Brubach’s article if you haven’t already. And I will definitely be reading Rebecca Mead’s book. I am hoping it will remind people that it is not the wedding that makes the couple, it’s the MARRIAGE that makes the couple!

And the couple that makes the marriage!
Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

It’s expanding again… soon we are going to have to put a better navigation system in.

The new articles include a book excerpt from Deepak Chopra, reprinted with permission.

There’s also a piece on family of origin issues, those things that you do that you do because you were raised that way.

We are interested in short articles on subjects related to coupledom. If you’ve got an idea or a draft, please get in touch. We can’t guarantee we’ll use your submission, but you won’t know until you try!

Basically, we are looking for reasonably well written submissions of at least 250 words and probably under a thousand. They don’t need to be written by experts — we are just as interested in people’s personal experiences.

A fuller explanation on article submission is on the library page of CouplesQuestions.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

The Blog of Love is about a week old. Jade’s focus is “love, romance, fate, destiny and soulmates”.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

Ok, this is somewhat off topic, but what the heck - it’s our blog!

The Oscars are in little over a week and love them or hate them they always seem to generate conversation. Around here, we were chatting about this year’s best picks in film for couples and for romance…any ideas? Feel free to contribute your thoughts or comments.

I haven’t seen all of the movies nominated this year, but here are my picks:

I am hoping for

• Will Smith for Best Actor for ‘The Pursuit of Happiness’
• Judi Dench for Best Actress for ‘Notes on a Scandal’
• ‘Happy Feet’ for Best Animated Film
• ‘Water’ for Best Foreign Language Film
• ‘An Inconvenient Truth’ for Best Documentary Feature
• ‘Little Miss Sunshine’ for Best Feature Film

What do you think? Are these films winners? Are they great films for couples to see together?

While we’re at it, since we’re talking about films, you might think about telling us about your favorite romantic movie of all time or your pick for the best “couple movie” - you know the kind that BOTH men and women like equally.

What do you think? Who are your picks for this year’s Oscar winners?
Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

As Valentine’s Day draws to a close, here’s a small collection of things we thought interesting.

• There was a very sweet story of ‘love interrupted’ on CBC Radio’s “The Current” . Unfortunately, music copyright issues (CBC is being cheap?) mean that they won’t have a downloadable version of the story available. But maybe if lots of us ask for it…
• An alternative to buying a large bouquet of flowers is to buy a very nice, tall, slim vase and “drown” a single long stemmed rose in it. That is, you have almost the whole stem under water. I can’t recall where I heard/read about this idea, but will give credit if and when I figure it out! In any case, the idea is that you can economically have flowers around all year, buying just a single rose at a time. And, of course, you now have another full year to find the perfect vase.
• I also heard a show featuring someone from e-How talking about the chemical effects that falling in love has on the brain. This one is worthy of a full article, but the short form is that love causes a rush of dopamine in the brain similar to many types of addiction. Typically, though, we come out of that honeymoon period in six to twelve months and move to a commitment phase of love (or break up, of course).

The moral of that last piece is don’t make important decisions when you are falling in love or have just fallen in love. Set an engagement of a year or more before marrying, do some form of premarital counseling, savour that loving feeling. If you are right for each other, you’ll have a lifetime of more level-headed decision-making ahead of you.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

About Marriage has done a good article debunking the link between the Super Bowl and violence against women in America.

To recap, a study — based on anecdotal evidence — showed a slight increase in domestic violence on key dates such as Christmas, Thanksgiving, and the Super Bowl. Hardly surprising that there would be a small increase around what can be stressful, non-routine times.

What the author found interesting was that there seemed to be a correlation between a team winning and its fans being more violent. Not a clear link, but one worth looking at because normally you would think it would be the losing fans who were more likely to get angry and take it out on those around them.

In any case, a news release was issued calling Super Bowl a “day of dread”, media all piled in on the story only to retract it days later, and the damage was done. The myth lives on, muddying the waters around what is a very serious issue in relationships and in society at large.

Now, that is not to say that the Super Bowl is not a “day of dread” for many who just don’t care about football. If you are one of those, Tango Mag has a list of things you can do instead.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!