Spousal Abuse: a (near) equal opportunity problem
Not a happy topic to be sure, but it IS an important one.
Not surprisingly, abuse in a relationship is a key cause of discord, break up and divorce. In fact, merely having a history of abuse in your family of origin (that is, the family you grew up in) is a key predictor of whether you will eventually divorce (especially for men).
The common wisdom has always been that boys who grow up in abusive families tend to become abusers themselves, while girls who grow up in such families tend to end up abused as adults. It is a sad fact that people normally keep to familiar situations and patterns, even if they are uncomfortable or downright harmful.
That prevailing wisdom may be changing somewhat, though not necessarily for the better. More and more research is showing that women are often the abusers, rather than men. There is a good (if somewhat political) roundup of these findings on the men’s interests blog of the 451 network.
Labels: premarital 101, recommended, relationships
posted by Heather and Dan @ 5:49 PM
2 Comments :
Shannon Munford said,
on March 26th, 2007 at 11:55 am
As a owner of several anger management education centers I’ve found that abuser, victims and children can benefit from anger management classes if spousal abuse has taken place. Victims and children absorb a lot of anger and resentment when they have witnessed or experienced abuse. Ironically this anger and resentment often manifests in aggression and physical violence. Consequently the victim become the abuser.
Shannon Munford-Anger Management Expert
www.daybreakservices.com
Note: This comment was originally posted on our Wordpress blog and we have reposted it here after moving back to Blogger.
Heather and Dan said,
on March 28th, 2007 at 9:31 am
That’s a very good point. While the ratio of male to female perpetrators is academically interesting, the practical advice is both perpetrator and victims need to get help to break the cycle.
It is absolutely vital that the abuser get professional help!
It is also vital that couples realize that it is better to act now rather than later. If there is abuse in the relationship before marriage, it is likely to get WORSE after the wedding.
Marriage itself will not make the problem go away. It is both wrong and dangerous to convince yourself, “He’ll be better after we get through the stress of the wedding plans.”
The same goes for having children. If you have problems in your relationship, they will be worse after you have children. Don’t kid yourself (bad pun, sorry) that having a child will fix your relationship in any way.
Note: This comment was originally posted on our Wordpress blog and we have reposted it here after moving back to Blogger.
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