Plenty. You see, religious differences are one of the key predictors of marital breakdown. And our little family has had to navigate these waters.

Heather is Catholic, her family are active in the Church, and her uncle is a priest. I am d) none of the above. In fact, my mother is a confirmed atheist. (One of my favourite lines from a movie is in The Emerald Forest: “Oh, they are confirming atheists now?!”)

Heather and I came to an explicit agreement on the subject before we got married:

• We would be married by a Unitarian minister.
• I would never attend Church; Heather and the kids would.
• The children would be baptised Catholic and able to make up their own minds later.
• I would attend key events such as baptisms.

Your own agreement on about how you will handle religion in your marriage will likely look quite different from ours. But one word in ours should apply to yours: “explicit”.

Even if one of you is converting to the other’s religion, you still need to agree on how often, where and when you will attend services. AND the convert deserves some thanks, in this world not the next. Moving away from a lifetime of belief is not done lightly.

If you are of different religions or if one is religious and the other isn’t, then you need to spell things out all the more clearly. It is very easy to make assumptions and end up feeling betrayed when your partner turns out not to share those assumptions. For example, the more devout you are, the harder it is to believe that your bride or groom-to-be won’t see the light. (This, in my experience, applies equally to atheists and to believers.)

In addition, you may well face pressures from your family or from your spouse’s family. It is much better to have an agreed upon line ahead of time. If you are making decisions on the fly, you will often find yourselves tripping over them.

Ultimately, our agreement has worked very well for us. But there were hiccups…

which will be the topic of another post. Tomorrow, my inlaws will be thankful for my spirit of compromise and I will be thankful for having such great inlaws.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

- Dan