Happy Thanksgiving! Are you ready to meet the in-laws?
CouplesQuestions wants to wish American friends a very happy and safe Thanksgiving!!This is the time of year when thousands of engaged couples will be going home to meet the parents - their future in-laws. Yikes! For many, there is no doubt this is one of the more stressful things that happens early on in a relationship. Big YIKES!
Here are some tips that come via The Knot (for brevity, I have paraphrased many) that may help to make this nerve wracking situation a little easier on you AND allow you to make a terrific first impression!
1. Dress nicely and be sure that you are all cleaned up (check under your nails and go easy on the perfume or cologne).
2. Do your homework and find out who's who and what's what. Find out specific likes and dislikes of your in-laws, at least the important ones.
3. Respect the culture of the home - especially if it is very different from your own!
4. Be polite: "Yes" is better than, "Yup"...you get the idea.
5. Ask your future in-laws what they would like you to call them. Don't assume they want you to start calling them "mom" and "dad" right off the bat. Or worse, just because your father-in-law swats your mother-in-law on the bum and calls her "Boom-Boom" doesn't mean you should. I'm just saying....
6. Bring a gift for the home or bring something you know (i.e. your fiance has already TOLD you) they like.
7. Listen well and show interest in what your future in-laws like or in what they are doing.
8. Keep the conversation to rather neutral subjects...avoid being controversial in any way. Don't make political jokes; they could seriously backfire!
9. Be kind to everyone from crazy Aunt Betty, to the annoying little brother, to waiters and waitresses. (My grandmother used to say, "If he's not kind to the waiter, he's not kind".
and last but not least...
10. Don't fake it. "In addition to -- and despite -- the previously mentioned pleasantries, be yourself; don't try to be who you think they want you to be (parents can smell a brownnoser a mile away). Assert your personality in small doses -- at safe junctures -- and sit up straight; some parents will want to test that you actually have a backbone."
You may be worried that your future in-laws will turn our to be freaks or psychos. That is probably just your nerves talking. In our estimation only 5% of the population are truly freaks. OK we really have no idea what the percentage of freaks in society is, but it has to be pretty low and the chances of your fiance's family being COMPLETELY twisted is really rather small. So, try not to worry, it will probably be fine!!
I remember flying to Ontario the meet Dan's parents for the first time and though he assured me they would "love me", I was so nervous I felt almost sick. Would they REALLY like me? Or would they just tell Dan that they liked me and then harbor some maniacal resentment towards me for years to come? After all, I was the woman who was going to marry their first born. I was to be the mother of their future grandchildren. Oooooh, man! Was I anxious!
But from the moment I got off the plane (OK, not exactly. It was more likely from about 30 minutes after I got off the plane....) I felt the tension leave me and I began to understand that I was one of the lucky ones in the "in-law" department. These were nice people who trusted their son's choice and wanted him to be happy. By the end of the first night, Dan had passed out from exhaustion on the sofa, and his mum and I sat at the kitchen table swapping stories over wine. She made every effort to make me feel comfortable and welcome...and I was.
During our chat, my mother-in-law told me that history must actually repeat itself from time to time because a similar thing happened when she met her in-laws nearly 40 years earlier. Long after the men had gone to sleep, she and her mother-in-law sat up drinking beer and getting to know each other. She had a precedent set long before I came along, and I will have to stick to it when my children bring their intended spouses home to meet me.
At this moment I am truly thankful for wonderful in-laws.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Happy Couples, Happy planet!
Labels: holidays, life, relationships
posted by Heather and Dan @ 2:47 PM
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