New Beginnings: Every Relationship Has Them Over And Over Again

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

Life is full of twists and turns. Life is full of changes. There are inevitably surprises that greet us along the way and it has to be said, good or bad, they sure do keep life interesting. These changes, even the ones that seem positive at first blush, may bring tension to even the most loving of relationships. It is how couples handle the stress that reveals their strength.

We have been rather distant from blog-land for a couple of weeks now. We had a small glitch on our site (that is now sorted) which we had to deal with and, more importantly, Dan started his Parental Leave. As I have been a stay-home mom for that last while I am not entitled to collect any benefits (i.e. Maternity Leave for Max who was born in June) from the Canadian Government, but Dan, as our breadwinner, is. He is going to be on paid leave for the next 7 and a half months and I am thrilled.

Not only will we get to spend more time together as a couple and as a family, but we will both be able to pursue a few interests that we have not been able to address in a while AND work on our web based business AND get a few DIY projects done around the house. Yay!

Some of my friends think I’m nuts and Dan’s colleagues warned he would be back to work in a few weeks. They all say we’ll drive each other crazy, or that the day to day “excitement” of staying home with two small children will be too much for Dan. They may be right, but at this point I don’t think so.

At first, the change is our family lifestyle fluctuated between being fabulous (doing things like going hiking in the middle of the week) to kind of getting in each other’s way and causing slight irritations. We were so excited about Dan being home that we haven’t quite found our groove regarding some things like laundry and cleaning the kitchen. We’d rather be out doing stuff together (we even started jogging again) and not worrying too much that the house is a bit untidy. Neither of us to particularly fastidious in that regard. However, if we were, or one of us placed a great importance on those things like routine and chores, a disruption in “the way things are done” could be the source of contention.

There are all kinds of changes, even positive changes, which may put a strain on a relationship. These are the times in a relationship when it is more important than ever to communicate (in whatever form is best for you) with your partner:

• Getting engaged
• Moving in together
• Getting married
• Coping with what to do after the wedding is over
• Getting new jobs/ new routines
• Buying a house or any major financial purchase
• Getting pregnant
• Having a baby
• Changing your lifestyle
• Moving to a new city
  

Each one of those listed above is, or at least usually is, a positive event in a couple’s life together. But each change will require not only a sense of adventure and a sense of humour, but it will require flexibility, tolerance and understanding on the part of each person.

Sometimes even just a little shift in the way things are usually done can throw a couple for a loop, so why not prepare yourselves for the ride. Most of these events can be planned ahead and we suggest that you discuss with your partner how the two of you will deal with impending changes as you see them approaching.

For example:

How do you think you will adjust to being “Mrs. Clarkson” when you were Ms. Goldstein for 27 years? Will you be proud? Scared? A little bit sad? How will you express yourself to your partner?

How do you think you will feel once you are a husband (not just a boyfriend)? Pressured? Relieved? Overwhelmed with responsibility? How will you show those feelings? Will you withdraw? Talk? Get agitated?

Change is inevitable in every aspect of life and sometimes even changes for the better have tough transitions. But if you think of the rough patches (oh and there will be rough patches), think of them as just that: transitions.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

posted by Heather and Dan @ 8:09 PM