Communication: Don’t just stand there, say something.

For recently engaged or newly married couples (heck, all couples really!) it can be particularly daunting. All they hear is, “Communication is the key to good relationship”, or, “That couple broke up because of a failure to communicate”, or, “They are working on improving their communication”. But what does it mean? How is it done?

There needs to be talking, sure, and not really surprisingly there needs to be listening (check out our post on Active Listening). And there also needs to be a way of finding a middle ground if one partner isn’t a big talker. They may need time or space before discussing an issue. Alternatively, together you might explore different ways of getting messages across (letters, e-mail, on the phone…whatever works). If your partner clams up when you want to talk about a difficult subject, that may be an indication that you need to try another mode of exchange from time to time. For other great ideas on communication and improving your meaningful interaction with your spouse, our friends at marriageabout.com have lots of info.

It is interesting though that somehow we have come to believe that ‘communication’ is only necessary or achieved in times of trouble. We at CouplesQuestions believe that for a truly happy union, couples need to communicate the good stuff at least as much as we delve into the serious nature of communication with the difficult stuff. Don’t assume (You know what you do when you assume, don’t you?) your partner knows how great you think they are. Tell them (write them, whatever!). Don’t assume your partner knows how much you appreciate there work around the house. Let them know. And on the other side of that, remember that old adage that actions speak louder than words? Pay attention to what your partner does for you and what they are “saying” to you with their actions. Try not to take the niceties for granted too much.

Communication in relationships needs to overcome the bad rap of being only for the heavy stuff. Of course that is important, but it doesn’t have to be the "be all and end all". Find a way to make sure your partner knows, feels and sees how much you cherish them.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

posted by Heather and Dan @ 2:24 PM