Active Listening
Active listening is a skill taught by marriage and family therapists to new couples, but reseach shows that most couples don't use it. What gives?In active listening, one person talks about how they feel about some issue that the couple is having problems with. Their partner listens. Hard. Then they paraphrase what their spouse said, without adding any detail or interpretation. It is surprisingly unnatural and not at all surprising that people don't keep using it. Try it for yourself and you'll see. (For a little more detail you can follow this link.)
Even if most couples don't use active listening, I'd say that the skill is still worthwhile learning. Many of our patterns are set early in a relationship and it is worth learning how difficult it is to really listen.
And once you have learned this awkward skill, you have if you need it. It is a bit like CPR or mouth-to-mouth: hopefully you never need them, but learning them gives you a better idea about what's important.
As with everything about premarriage education, active listening is really about making sure that your assumptions line up with reality.
Happy Couples, Happy Planet!
posted by Heather and Dan @ 6:56 AM
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