Talk it out before you tie the knot - what happens when someone gets sick?
Most marriage vows say that we promise to love each other in sickness and in health. But what does that really mean?Of course, we love our partner and know we want to make them happy in as many ways as possible, but we have to be careful not make assumptions about what they need or want based on our needs or wants. This is true in so many circumstances, but we were reminded during these last few weeks when both Dan and I were both under the weather. It is important to know where your partner stands on various aspects of life, and how they handle sickness (and how they like to be treated when they are sick) is one of those key areas. Knowing your partner can help prevent conflict in the future.
Try not to assume what you like is the same as what your partner wants (though that is often what most of us do). It may not be. And when your partner is sick and feeling rotten, you may end up driving them crazy by doing exactly what they don’t want you to do (even though you are only trying to help). Trust me, I speak from experience!
Some people like to be attended to regularly when they are sick. They like to be brought tea and medicine and magazines; they want to be "looked after". People on the other extreme truly just want to be left alone when they are sick. And other people find themselves somewhere in between along that scale. We all want to help our partners through their sickness the best way we know how, but because of our own expectations, we might end up making things worse. When in doubt of what they want or need, ASK THEM... and respect the answer.
Imagine how irritating it would be to just want to be left alone when you're sick and your partner bugs you every five minutes trying to do something for you to "help you" feel better. On the other hand, imagine you are used to lots of attention when you are sick and your partner leaves you completely to your own devices until you are well again. Neither situation leaves is going to bring comfort to the ill person.
You might ask your partner:
What did your family do for you when you were sick as a child? Was it comforting or did it drive you crazy?
What do you like to do when you are sick now that you are an adult?
If you are sick, how do you want me to help you through it?
What are your thoughts on going to the doctor or the hospital?
Our web site CouplesQuestions.com is all about making sure that you and your partner have The Important Conversations (like sickness, for example) before you get married (or very soon after) in order to avoid trouble spots early on. Talking about how you are going to handle sickness in your relationship (even dealing with a serious illness should be discussed) should help to avoid tension and misunderstandings in the future.
Happy Couples, Happy Planet!
posted by Heather and Dan @ 9:55 PM
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