Togetherness and Individualism
in Your Relationship and Marriage
by Heather del Villano
Remember that before you entered into your relationship, you were your own person. You had your own life, interests, talents and habits. The same goes for your partner.
You + Me=We
When coming together in a marriage relationship, or in any relationship that is a lifetime commitment, the couple needs to begin thinking about the culture of the new entity that is neither entirely “YOU” nor “ME”. They must begin to think of the partnership as its own entity: the “WE”.
You must not lose sight of the person you are, and you must also respect the needs of your partner AND the needs of the relationship.
In Tough Times
In any relationship communication is extremely important and in a marriage, improving communication on an ongoing basis is crucial. Tough times are going to hit every couple, and during these times communicating with your partner is essential. If you work on improving your communication BEFORE the difficult periods hit, it should be easier to communicate when it is most stressful.
Each person must learn to accept responsibility for his or her part in the positive and negative happenings in the relationship. In conflicts, rarely can only one person be entirely to blame for something.
The one key exception is in the case of an abusive or violent situation. Violence is always the responsibility of the perpetrator/abuser. If abuse is taking place, the abused partner should seek help. The abuser should also find a way to get help so the behaviour stops.
Seek professional help. In most communities, support is available at no cost through a women’s shelter or crisis line.
Family of Origin
Family of origin issues can influence romantic attractions as well as the types of disappointments, dissatisfactions and disagreements which arise later in a relationship.
Disappointments, dissatisfactions and disagreements are often warning signs that family of origin issues are being activated; constructively dealing with such conflicts is a wonderful opportunity for development as a couple.
One of the most persistent myths about happy marriages is that happy couples never fight. In fact, studies show that happy couples fight as much as unhappy ones. But they do so constructively.
Adapted from an article by the Relationship Institute.
Contributor
Heather is the CRO at CouplesQuestions. What's a CRO? Chief Relationship Officer, a role she shares about 50/50 in her own relationship with Dan!
