Top Ten Toasting Tips

Advice from Tom Haibeck

When making wedding speech or toast

By Tom Haibeck,
with a big "thank you" from CouplesQuestions

Have you ever been to a wedding where someone made a really
inappropriate toast? Or droned on way too long in making the toast? Or
appeared to be terribly drunk and obnoxious? Unfortunately, those kinds
of wedding toast experiences are far too common. Here are some tips to help people avoid making those mistakes at your wedding:

1. Pick a theme for your toast.

Remember how your Grade Ten high school teacher taught you to build an essay around a central theme? The same applies for a speech. If you organize your thoughts around a key subject -- such as "words of advice for the bride on living with the groom" or "what I've learned after 35 years of marriage" -- you will quickly draw your audience into your talk and make it easy for them to follow along.

2. Keep it short & simple.

If you're not an experienced public speaker and are feeling particularly nervous about making a toast, don't add to your stress levels by thinking you need to deliver a major speech as part of your toast. Feel free to merely say a few words and then raise your glass in honor of the person being toasted. If you are a good speaker and want to say a bit more, try to hone your speech down to three to five minutes (unless you're a particularly funny or amazingly eloquent speaker, to go beyond that is to strain the audience's attention).

3. Make it personal.

Ditch the famous quotes and high-minded sermons in favor of a few thoughts or stories about the bride and groom (or whomever is being toasted). Wedding guests love to hear those kind of anecdotal stories about people in the wedding party -- from how the couple met to your experience growing up with them. And don't be afraid to embellish a few stories or poke a bit of fun at people along the way -- this is a joyous occasion, and wedding guests are ready to laugh and enjoy themselves.

4. Know your audience.

Remember that a wedding typically draws together a diverse range of people -- many of whom may be a bit older and more conservative. Their threshold for off-color jokes and frat house humor may be a lot lower than other wedding guests, so if you are planning to inject some humor into your toast, make it PG-rated rather than Restricted Adult.

5. Use point form notes.

Never write out your speech or wedding toast and then try to deliver it word for word. Unless you are a network anchor or a veteran politician, you will bore your audience and come across as stilted and unnatural. Instead, use 5 x 7 index cards to summarize your key points and then "talk to" those points as you deliver your toast.

6. Limit your alcohol intake.

We've all been to weddings where someone got horribly drunk and made a fool of himself. Even a few drinks can make some people flushed and unsteady -- and standing before an audience will only add to those woes. So rather than trying to de-stress or embolden yourself with "liquid courage," plan to have a good workout on the day of the wedding or learn some progressive relaxation exercises to help you prepare for your moment in the spotlight.

7. Rehearse in the room where you will make the toast.

Studies have shown that students who study in the room where they will take an exam actually fare better when they actually write the exam. The same applies to a speech. If you can get a feel for the room prior to the reception -- and gain a level of comfort in delivering your material in that room -- you will feel more confident when the Big Day arrives and you walk up to the same podium you've been rehearsing at.

8. Call to action.

Some people deliver brilliant toasts and then don't quite seem to know what to do to conclude it. So here's the drill: Once you've delivered your talk, ask people to rise (pause to give them time to do so), then look directly at the person being toasted, smile, raise your glass and ask guests to join you in making a toast to _____________. Then sip your drink, thank your audience and sit down.

9. Use a proper glass.

Plan to bring a glass of champagne with you to the podium (or make arrangements to have one waiting for you). It can be really embarrassing to get to the "call to action" part of your toast and then suddenly realize you have no glass to raise at the end of it. And plan to use a proper champagne flute rather than a bar glass -- even if you're drinking ginger ale rather than champagne.

10. Don't be afraid to laugh at yourself.

The late Johnny Carson actually got some of his best laughs when he blew a line or messed up on one of his skits. He would crack up and flash that famous grin -- and audiences loved him for his humility and willingness to laugh at himself. We're all human and we all make mistakes. And wedding guests are particularly supportive of those that go before them to deliver a toast or wedding speech. The fear of public speaking really equates to a fear of embarrassing yourself before an audience -- we can all relate to it. So lighten up and have some fun (even if it's at your own expense)!

Contributor

Tom Haibeck is the author of "The Wedding MC: A Complete Guide to Success for the Best Man or Event Host". For more information, please go to WeddingToasts.com.