Couples and Finance

Love and Money

the story of Irene and Stan

by Kam Brar

You’ve met the love of your life and things are going swimmingly, in fact you can’t believe it, but both of you are already hearing wedding bells!

You know practically everything there is to know about this person on an emotional and spiritual level, in fact both of you share similar passions and interests, you both love to do the same things! You’re certain that you’ve found your “soul mate” which in today’s crazy world is no small feat! There is just one small area around which both of you have had little or no discussion, money and finances!

This is often the one area that most couples fail to discuss and yet many times is the one that causes the relationship to fail! I have personally been involved in lending of one sort or another for over 10 years and during this time have found that the common denominator for the unraveling of most relationships is money!

What if you and your soul mate are at opposite ends when it comes to your attitudes around money? Let’s say that you are prudent and thrifty but your partner is wanton and reckless, like a drunken sailor in a bar, then what? Wouldn’t it make sense to know this the sort of thing prior to the ringing of those bells? Now I know for a fact some of you out there are shaking your heads and saying, “but I really love this person and I know we can make it all work out”. Well that’s great, I am rooting for you and I hope you can, but humor me for a moment and let’s suppose you can’t, then what?

Let’s take an imaginary couple for a moment, Irene and Stan, they are both 30. They are madly in love and are planning on spending the rest of their days holding hands and growing old together. Irene’s being very diligent and prudent has managed to squirrel away 40 thousand dollars by now. Stan on the other hand just hasn’t been as concerned about saving money and actually doesn’t have any put away yet. In fact he’s got a few debts that are kind of outstanding and need to be paid. Irene’s thinking that this money will make a great down payment towards their new home; Stan on the other hand is busy thinking about the new truck they’re going to purchase to take on their camping trips together.

Irene figures they should certainly be able to afford a mortgage, after all she’s currently paying $800 a month in rent where she is and Stan’s paying $750; that’s $1550 combined, certainly enough to cover some kind of a mortgage. Irene really likes the idea of not paying someone else’s mortgage with her rent and building equity in a place of their own, Stan really likes the freedom of renting as he doesn’t really have to worry about repairs, upkeep and all that payment stuff! Irene knows that if they take this on it means they can’t really afford to be out of work and even if they want to make a change they better have something lined up in advance. Stan doesn’t really like his job a lot; in fact he still hasn’t found something that’s really right for him.

What do you think the odds of Irene and Stan making it are? Can you see some potential problems developing in their relationship due to their different attitudes towards money and finances? Unfortunately over the years I’ve seen many Irene’s and Stan’s and most have gone on to a failed relationship. The good news is that there is a way to avoid all of this pain and grief, and that’s by having the “M” word conversation.

It’s fundamentally important that both people fully understand how the other’s attitudes and feelings around money! Now does this mean that both of you have to think about it in exactly the same way all of the time, absolutely not! There are no problems in having subtle differences; it’s the fundamental ones that you cannot afford! The sooner the two of you make sure that your financial relationship is as healthy as the rest of your relationship, the sooner you can begin looking at a long life together!

Contributor

Kam Brar is a mortgage specialist based in Victoria, British Columbia. He has over 10 years experience in the financial field. You can sign up for his "Mortgage Monthly" newsletter at his website: www.kamthemortgageman.com.